Box of Rocks
As in, "dumb as a..." Shoving, placing, patting.
Cut and Paste
Be a master of the safety scissors who only occassionally eats the paste.
Do You Want Fries With That?
Do you need someone to cast on for you? Was your most recent (or most difficult) project a garter stitch scarf? Time to try something harder.
Pint
All you gotta do is pour, baby, and take it slow.
Rrrrgh . . . . Beads . . . .
You need to appreciate the simple, zenlike joy of stringing beads.
Rrrrgh . . . . Brains . . . .
Basic literacy and counting skills, the ability to exchange money for goods, and the knowledge that hot or sharp things are, well, hot and sharp, respectively.
Rrrrgh . . . . Burns . . . .
The Joy of Cooking plus the Zen of Motorcycle Maintenance. Might even include the Joy of Sex if that's your bag, baby.
All Tied Up At the Moment
Wrangle thread without cutting off too much circulation.
Bob Ross Wannabe
Visualize internal organs, paint reasonably content (if not quite "happy") objects.
Bottle Short of a Six Pack
Ability to measure, chop, pour, heat, taste, and wait.
Boy Scout Dropout
Manual dexterity is key, as well as attention to detail and the ability to not stab oneself. Homosexuality is an optional, but totally acceptable and valid, skill.
Burnin' Bacon
Ability to channel Julia Child while remembering your high school chemistry lab safety rules.
Coquette
Basic crochet stitches (US chain, slip, single, double, half double, treble) and a willingness to stick it out to the end.
MoonPrincess CoquetteDark
Basic knitting and crochet skills as outlined in Coquette and MoonPrincess RavenDark.
MoonPrincess Dropout
Basic skills as outlined in Boy Scout Dropout and MoonPrincess RavenDark.
MoonPrincess RavenDark
Knit, purl, increase, decrease, work in the round on circulars or double pointed needles.
The Sagen-Hawkins Congruence
Requires the ability to fold space-time with your mind and imagine 3D objects based on written description.
Slash and Burn
Prior experience with razor sharp hobby knives and/or rotary cutters and high school chemistry lab safety rules are a must.
Boy Scout Burnout
Skills from Boy Scout Dropout and Slash and Burn are needed.
Boy Scout Princess
Skills from Boy Scout Dropout and MoonPrincess RavenDark are needed.
Bring Out the Gimp
Knowledge of the human body and how to encase it in fabric in such a way as to be attractive. Ability to add a zipper is a plus!
Cutthroat Should Be Coming Into The River
Slash skills from Slash and Burn, unending patience, and enough inherent artistic ability to run with it.
Loose Woman
Crochet shaping, simple lace, assembling parts together as for amigurumi, good understanding of gauge and how to rework patterns to fit your yarn or hook choices, ability to read your own crocheting, and the ability to fix most of your own problems.
Rolling in Her Grave
That's Julia Child, yo. You need a handle on some of the more advanced kitchen tasks, such as making a roux, caramelizing sugar, using a kitchen torch, and bandaging burns.
Scoutmaster Euclid
Skills from Boy Scout Dropout with a reasonable facility in basic mathematics. Homosexuality is still an option - you know how those ancient Greeks were!
Strong Intermediate
Intarsia or stranded motif work (charted or no), slipped stitches or simple lace, basic cables, felting, double knitting, good understanding of gauge and how to rework patterns to fit your yarn or needles choices, ability to read your own knitting, and the ability to fix most of your own problems.
AntiCraft Superstar
Rather like pr0n, it's hard to describe, but you'll know it when you see it.
the time has come for bitter things
the time has come it is quite clear
our anticraft
superstar
do you think you're what they say you are?