Hello everyone,
Did you know if you threaten a cafeteria worker with bodily harm you get a week in solitary? Me either. It gave me a lot of time to think, though, so boy was I glad when Renee and Zabet sent in the next round of questions for me.
Dear Aunt Antagony,
Is there any sage advice you can give to a young woman out on her own for the first time?
Scared in Schenectady
Dear Scared,
Now this is the kind of question I expected to be getting when I offered my services to those girls! Now, for the past few months I’ve really felt that all y’all might be playing a joke on old Aunt Antagony with these questions, so it’s really nice to get a good one from time to time. I really feel like I am loved and appreciated here, and that’s good. Sure, I’ve gained the fear and respect of most of the people in my wing of the prison, but deep down, I was really hoping I could help some of you lost souls that are so, well, lost, you’ve turned to reading this website. If I can be a shining beacon to just one of you, bring one of you towards the light, I can die a happy woman.
As for sage advice, all I will say is this: If the boss gets a little handsy, don’t put up such a fuss like most of these women do now. They complain, but if they were honest with themselves, who would they rather marry? The guy in the mail room? Or the boss.
Exactly.
Good luck, and always be a lady.
Sincerely,
Aunt Antagony
Dear Aunt Antagony,
I have been knitting for three years now, and I’ve decided I would like to branch out. Not with knitting, but in my sex life. Can you recommend a good non-latex based body paint? I’m allergic to latex, and last time it got near my lady bits I could barely walk for a week.
Thanks in advance,
Allergic in Albany
Dear Allergic,
You are all assholes.
Sincerely,
Aunt Antagony
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Have a question? Email Aunt Antagony at aunt.antagony@gmail.com We will make sure she gets your questions.
