Renée Rigdon (model)
Matt Rigdon (photo)

Barely Concealed Rage:
A Breakfast Tray

I'm sitting there, reading my blog when suddenly it hits me like albino alpaca hitting my checkbook. I'm hungry. Damn hungry. But I don't have anything to set any food on. I think about using my laptop but it's no dice. Crumbs and bits of food jamming up my already dysfunctional keyboard won't get me anywhere I want to be. Then again, neither will eating breakfast in bed, but I don't care. A man ought not care about things like that.

But I like the idea of eatin' in bed without ruining my computer or calling whores, because they're both so goddamned expensive. I even think about how I could make my own suped up breakfast tray. And then it hits me, like one of those shitty little Kia's I see on the road. I have a condition. What if I'm finally turning into what they've always said I'd turn into... a maniac. A crafting fucking maniac.

I mull over the idea like I mull over which shoe to put on first and whether I should have that thing on my forehead looked at. And then I forget about it like I do those other things and realize I just don't give a shit. But I'm gonna need supplies for this...

It's the bad old days and I'm preppin' my hard crafting goodbye. I've got a cheap breakfast tray. Some black spray paint. Some froofy trim. A poem I wrote just now. Gladys. And mah mitts.

I think I'm ready...

concept and poem by Renée Rigdon
execution and introduction by Matt Rigdon

Difficulty

Boy Scout Burnout
Click here for definitions of difficulty levels.

Download

Poem (pdf format)

Materials

• Inexpensive breakfast tray
• Black spray paint
• Froofy pom pom trim
• Staple gun (Gladys)
• Staples for Gladys
• Poem (download mine or write your own)
• Modge Podge
• Yer Mitts

Directions

Renée Rigdon (photo)
click image to enlarge

1. Spray paint the tray and let it dry

2. Apply trim with staple gun

3. Print out poem and tear into verses.

4. Apply poem to tray with modge podge and seal

5. Eat in bed.

About

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