|end of days kit > painted lady > anarchist's nightlight >
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skull lariat > odob > surprise: aw, crap
Renée Rigdon (model)
End of Days Kit:
On June 13, 2007, the blogosphere was under attack. Across the world, in big cities and small, the world was changing in ways we never imagined. Zombies had risen, or been created by some strange virus, or some crazy spell was cast by an eleven-year-old girl with a Willow complex, an overfilled spice rack, and too much time on her hands.
Rrrrgh . . . . Brains . . . .
Materials & Directions
Zippered Tote Bag or Large Sturdy Tin
For putting your emergency materials in, obviously.
Red Duct Tape
To make the red cross on the tote bag. Rescuers will not assume you are a zombie if you know how to make a red cross on a tote bag.
The lights will go out as the utility company personnel are overwhelmed by our undead attackers. Pack extra batteries.
As there are no guns in my home, I went with the weapon that has been most dangerous to my own health and safety. A rotary cutter. Seriously, has ANYONE ever successfully not chopped off half a finger with one of those? The zombies should run in terror.
Given the most likely end of days scenario involves zombies, I picked up the Zombie Survival Guide. However, I wanted my bases covered in case of an door-to-door Evangelical apocalypse, and also included my book on Hypnotism.
To keep my hands busy during the long waits in hiding, and also provide myself with extra weaponry. As I chose a sock project, there are five additional stabby thingies in my kit. The yarn could be used to secure any hysterical fellow survivors until they calm down.
Though they probably wonít save your ass, theyíll cut your yarn.
After careful consideration, I realized the only drink available that would aid me in fighting the hoards would be Crunk Juice. Crunk Juice is made with Hennessy and Red Bull, and provides all the nutritional requirements for fighting the undead. Itís like a condom for your liver.
Dark chocolate squares with caramel. If you need more explanation, may the zombies have mercy on your soul.
Cigarettes and Matches
Even if you do not smoke, when you are surrounded by the slavering masses, it may calm your nerves just enough to come up with the last second plan that will save your life. If not, you may be able to set the fire that will alert the heroes, or burn a building full of zombie social workers before they can make evil aperitif of down-on-their-luck roving hippies.
It is going to be sad when your neighbor Mae is devoured. You might need to shed a tear. But just one, for you are strong. Alternatively, the rising undead will bring an awful lot of dust. Your allergies will kick up.
There may come a time where you have to admit, you just arenít going to survive. Hopefully, someone will. When they do, they will want to compose tear-jerking documentaries full of emotional blackmail to insure that all surviving generations fall into political line with whatever "the man" thinks will prevent future uprisings. Donít you want to be famous forever? Letís face it. You didnít do much with your life, so you should probably take advantage of what little fame will ever be available to you. Take pictures of the zombies, yes, but try to look pretty. If you have any moving pieces of artwork, poetry, etc, take pictures of yourself with those as well. You want people to MOURN dammit.
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